Greetings fellow Kitten Enthusiast, if you are reading this then hopefully you've been inspired enough by the brief telling of my history in the wonderful world of Kitten Science to come back. I appreciate the opportunity to further share my scientific knowledge of Kittens with you. However I feel compelled to give warning on some of the topics I only covered in passing. That is why I'm here today.
- First off, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, do not attempt to use your kitten's sandpaper tongue as a means of smoothing surfaces. If you're thinking about it or even doing it right now, then STOP! I know it's handy, I know it's an inexpensive and reliable tool, but the wear done to your kitten's tongue will be permanent. Kitten's are issued one organic sandpaper tongue and they CAN'T get another. It's against the rules, OK?
- Please do not play marbles with your Kitten's eyes! This isn't as bad as permanently ruining their tongue's chaffing power, but if you lose or crack their eyes...that's just not cool dude. Seriously, you think they can afford to buy new Catseye marbles that are the right size for their normally vacant eye sockets? Do you think they're made of money? No! They're made of cute and purr. Don't be a douche bag!
- If you are or know of anyone who has been poaching Kittens, be it for their sandpaper tongue, their Catseye marbles, or their Cuteness. Please go to the authorities at once. Turn yourself in, share your information, Kittens were lucky enough to avoid extinction once, they might not be so lucky a second time.
- If you have an outdoor Kitten, or if you're an irresponsible punk that's going to let your house Kitten e
scape from it's cage of oppression, other wise known as your house! Please have them spayed or neutered. Common sense people.
All that having been said my conscience is cleared. And I welcome you once more to the exciting world of Kitten Science. We're going to learn a lot together here. I'll learn from you, you'll learn from me...but we will both learn from Kittens.
And one last thing, I'm currently working on a project to determine the effects of wearing silly headgear on Kittens. If your kitten would like to volunteer themselves for the glory of Science. Please email KittenScience@gmail.com pictures of your Kittens in strange or silly hats! Title the email "Kitten Science", so that it doesn't get disregarded. Along with the picture be sure to include all available information as to the environment the photo was taken in (time, temp, breed, location of photo, even make not of the information you don't have available. I need everything!)
In the world of Kitten Science there is no room for error! I need to be certain of my findings, and this could rest on your accuracy! So I encourage you to take as many pictures of your Kitten(s) in as many different silly hats as possible! And be careful, Kittens are a fickle creature, they may happily volunteer, but become grouchy when they see the silly hats they'll be wearing. Just reassure them that it's for the sake of Kitten Science and remember, SAFETY FIRST!
Excelsior~!
Adam Pierson, PhD
And one last thing, I'm currently working on a project to determine the effects of wearing silly headgear on Kittens. If your kitten would like to volunteer themselves for the glory of Science. Please email KittenScience@gmail.com pictures of your Kittens in strange or silly hats! Title the email "Kitten Science", so that it doesn't get disregarded. Along with the picture be sure to include all available information as to the environment the photo was taken in (time, temp, breed, location of photo, even make not of the information you don't have available. I need everything!)
In the world of Kitten Science there is no room for error! I need to be certain of my findings, and this could rest on your accuracy! So I encourage you to take as many pictures of your Kitten(s) in as many different silly hats as possible! And be careful, Kittens are a fickle creature, they may happily volunteer, but become grouchy when they see the silly hats they'll be wearing. Just reassure them that it's for the sake of Kitten Science and remember, SAFETY FIRST!
Excelsior~!
Adam Pierson, PhD
1 comment:
You write very well.
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